Friday, August 5, 2011

Astrovibes Aries Review

The Astrovibes (Aries) vibe by Fun Factory is an adorable toy that I got from this sex shop I trust.

[caption id="attachment_522" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="For 15% use coupon code SV8 at checkout at"][/caption]

I purchased this vibrator a few months ago. I was very excited by the novel concept of having a vibe that corresponded to my astrological sign. The cynic in me couldn’t help but think it was gimmicky, since I place little or no faith in astrology, but I’m a sucker for novelty. As for the cuteness factor, I think I’m spoiled, or perhaps I was born under a lucky sign. ;) My personal opinion is that the Aries vibe is by far the cutest in the line.

There’s a vibrator that corresponds to each sign of the zodiac, and Eden Fantasys carries all of them except for the Sagittarius and Libra vibes. I’m not sure why they don’t, but if you're curious, here's some info on the missing vibes.

The Sagittarius vibe  looks like a glorified pointy penis. My guess is that it’s supposed to look like an arrow?

On another site (not Eden Fantasys), I was able to locate the Libra vibe, which looks like an abstract adaptation of scales. It's a shame that it's so difficult to locate a reasonably priced libra vibe. The shape looks fantastic for stimulation. The retailer is trying to sell them (and eight other vibes in the line) at $60 a pop.  Amazingly, they were originally priced at $85.99 each. Can you say highway robbery? The astrovibes that are available at Eden Fantasys are only going for $34.99 each. Due to the major price jump, I think that the line may have been discontinued since it is also no longer available at the Fun Factory website. As a result, some other sites are probably trying to cash in on limited availability.
Traditional red  bulged multi-speed silicone vibrator with curled horns accents.Multi-speed traditional vibrator with a Taurus shaped head and smooth textured shaft.Contoured multi-speed silicone traditional vibrator with hand-shaped accents on the shaft.Silicone multi-speed  traditional vibrator covered with little nubs and little crabs.Special shaped silicone traditional vibrator with a nub on a tip of shaft.Green traditional multi-speed silicone vibrator in the shape of a woman.Traditional vibrator from Astrovibes collection with a scorpion like shape and multi speed option.Silicone traditional multi-speed vibrator with a Capricorn like appearance.Dark blue traditional silicon multi-speed vibrator with waves accents.Blue silicone multi-speed traditional vibrator with Pisces accents.

In terms of discreteness, I can’t say that it looks anything like most toys I’ve seen (minus the other vibes in the line), but by the very fact that it’s so adorable, it’s likely to get picked up by houseguests or roommates who are curious as to what it is. For that reason alone I wouldn’t just leave this out (unless you’re like me and have roommates and/or friends who know you have/review sex toys and don’t care if they see them lying around in your bedroom).

The toy itself measures at 7 1/2" total length and has an insertable length of 6 1/2". The circumference is 5” and the diameter is 1 5/8.” It’s composed of medical grade silicone. The toy is very flexible and bendy, but at the base it’s firm where the plastic battery compartment is located underneath. The vibrations happen to be strongest at the very tip and gradually decrease on the way down to the base.

[caption id="attachment_523" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Check out that Schnozz"][/caption]

It’s thickest at the base and gradually narrows from the base until midway through the toy, where it suddenly become much thinner; it then juts out again where the horns are, before dropping off sharply at the head where it ends with a very sudden point at the nose. (From this point on henceforth, I will refer to him as “Pointy.”)

Fun Factory was very detailed, as usual, and gave Pointy a smiling face, horns and even nostrils. Pointy is adorable, but unfortunately those little divots on his well-carved face make for an annoying cleaning experience. Yep, body fluids will get stuck in the grooves. It’s inevitable, but he doesn’t seem to mind too much. I think he likes cum on his face.

[caption id="attachment_526" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Awww. How could you say no that face?"][/caption]

I personally found the girth to be too wide at the base, so I can’t adequately insert it as much as I’d like. I like thick toys, but since it slopes so much, it wasn’t a good fit. Usually with thicker toys, I choose a simple design that’s consistently girthy from base to tip. I assume that a shape like that allows my vagina to adjust to the girth. The sloping shape of this toy, however, didn’t afford me deep penetration. Other reviewers have commented that the point was great for stimulating the g-spot, but that was not the case for me. I found the head too bendy and soft and overall improperly suited to stimulate that area. I also felt little or no stimulation from the grooves on his body which was a disappointment.

Another problem I’ve noticed with Pointy involves his very namesake. Pointy’s nose feels great outside of my vagina, on the labia and my clit but not so great inside my vagina. The first few times I used this toy, I just didn’t like it. I’m not sure if I wasn’t lubed enough, if I was masturbating at an unusual angle, or if I was just getting too rough (perhaps all of the above), but his nose rammed into the walls of my vagina. Yeah, say it with me, “OW!”

Recently, I haven't had this problem when I decided to give toy another chance. I used a different water-based lube than I usually do, Moist, which is extremely thick for a water-based lubricant. It seems to have eliminated the “ouchy” problem, however, I’m still not a fan of the toy.

This toy is not for anal insertion because it has no flared base, so don’t put it there (practice safe anal please). If I can’t appeal to your logic, be smart enough to put a condom over it.

The toy is operated by two AA batteries and is controlled by a dial base. To insert batteries, remove the base, add the AA batteries facing in opposite directions, and screw the cap back on. Then twist the dial base.

I don’t find the vibrations to be all that impressive. Honestly, I feel like they’re rather low and I’m baffled by the rave reviews I’ve seen for this toy and the similarly shaped toys in this line. Not to be melodramatic, but I feel like I’ve almost been lied to. The vibrations seem strong to my hands, but not in my vagina when used for penetration. The vibrations, likewise, don’t feel well distributed. I would have loved if there was a little more “oomph” at the tip, or well, everywhere except the base where they're predominantly concentrated.

[caption id="attachment_528" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Side View"][/caption]

Although I’m not a fan of the vibration distribution, the vibrations are good enough at the tip for pinpoint vibrations on the clit, nipples, outside the anus (with a condom on), or other erogenous zones. He’s a little louder than I’d like. The vibrations could likely be heard through a door or under covers.

Since our buddy Pointy is made of silicone, you can’t just use any old lube with him; he can only be used with water based lubes. I know it might be tempting to use silicone lube with a silicone toy (it seems logical, right?), but don’t do it. I swear to God don’t do it because chemistry will screw you over. Silicone toys and silicone lubes bond together and essentially destroy the toy by breaking down the silicone and making it gummy in texture. Yuck. If it weren't for the hardworking reviewers at Eden Fantasys, I probably would have made the same damn mistake. That being said, I almost feel like there should be a warning on silicone toys and lubes to tell the consumer that they are not compatible.

[caption id="attachment_529" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Pointy's Underbelly"][/caption]

Pointy lacks an O-ring, so you can’t submerge him in water. This means no shower sex, or cleaning via boiling or dishwasher. I’d suggest using anti-bacterial soap and running him under water to clean him up. Like me, you might end up using your fingernails to dig out your, ahem, excretions… You're going to want to wash him frequently since he attracts lint and fuzzies, although this vibe doesn't attract nearly as much lint as some other toys I've had.

The vibe came in an awesome box covered with stars, a nice touch considering the zodiac-themed line. In general, all toys from Fun Factory have wonderful packaging. It almost feels like it’s in a display case. The toy comes with a free itty bitty sample of Toy Fluid lube and a promo flyer showing all the other quirky products available from Fun Factory.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Image borrowed from Eden Fantasys"][/caption]

Overall, I’m neutral about this toy, but I’m slightly more disappointed than pleased. I’m a sucker for novelty and I like cute (or weird) toys because at the very least they’re fun to look at even if they aren’t fun to use on my junk. Sadly, that's how I feel about this guy. I can’t bring myself to get rid of him because he’s cute, but he’s just not good in bed. His smile indicates that he’s eager to please, but he just doesn’t know what he’s doing, especially with that damn nose.

Maybe it was because my expectations were too high, but I wasn’t as impressed as I thought I’d be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s precious and by no means a “useless” toy, but I felt like it was “okay” as opposed to “mind-blowing.” Overall I give him a pretty average rating of 3/5 stars. If it weren't for the fact that Pointy is made of silicone and rather cute, I'd lean more towards giving  him a rating of 2/5 stars. By far not the worst out there, but I feel this toy has a lot of room for improvement.

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  1. Awww. The Astrovibes line is adorable! I'm not a fan of the Taurus' design, otherwise I'd have snagged my sign even though I know it probably wouldn't be powerful enough for my liking.

    Nice review!

  2. Oh he's a cutie alright. Too bad I don't like him in bed. Lol

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