Sunday, May 29, 2011

Tongue Dinger by Hott Products Unlimited Review

[caption id="attachment_396" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Tongue Dinger Vibrating Tongue Ring by Hott Products Unlimited. My favorite part of this toy? The amusing packaging. Look at those drawings getting their collective freaks on."][/caption]

The Tongue Dinger by Hott Products Unlimited is a vibrating tongue ring I purchased from this sex shop I trust.

The product is cheap and only costs about $5. It’s made of a cheap plastic case and is surrounded by what HottProducts Unlimited claims is medical grade silicone, but I highly doubt it. There’s a little loop (with tiny silicone “teeth” to keep it on your tongue) that is intended to go over your tongue so you can give a partner enhanced oral pleasure. The box “warns” that this “MAY CAUSE INTENSE SCREAMING ORGASMS!!! (yes it is in all caps with three exclamation points). The front of this itty bitty toy is covered bumpy thingies of different shapes and sizes that are intended for stimulating your partner.

[caption id="attachment_397" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="I ordered pink, but it's much lighter colored in person than it looked on the site."][/caption]

It claims to be waterproof, which I think is a down and outright lie. This doesn’t look like it should be submerged. It’s too damn cheap. The level of “waterproof-ness” this thing has is being able to hang out near a vagina or penis and surviving without sparks flying everywhere, meaning it can handle moisture from natural lubrication or getting wet under running water (like shower sex), but I you're a damn fool if you try taking this into a hot tub, pool, or any other place where it could be submerged.

It runs on two watch batteries, which are inserted inside of the plastic casing and come with the toy. It also has an on and off switch. It’s only supposed to give 40 minutes of “POWERFUL PLEASURE!” so I assume that the manufacturer expects this to be a one-time, or a few-times-use product. It clearly wasn’t created for sustainability. It reminds me of the type of “adult novelty products” that you find at Spencer’s. You know, the fake sex toys that are kinda shitty and at the back of a poorly-lit establishment. Bingo. One and the same.

To use it, slip the “silicone” ring of the toy onto your tongue, flip the switch and then flick your tongue over your partner's genitals, taint, or nipples. Wherever, just have fun with it. It is uncomfortable and very prone to slipping off. I have a small mouth so I have to hold my mouth at an awkward angle to keep it in place. I’ve also noticed that this thing inhibits the movement of my tongue. The best way to use it is to put it on my tongue and hold it in place under my tongue to keep it on and allow my tongue to have movement, but honestly, the easiest way to use this toy is to hold it in place, or put it on your fingers and go!

[caption id="attachment_399" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="See how awkward that looks? It's uncomfortable to keep my mouth open at that angle. Also, don' t mind that Monroe piercing jutting out of my face. The piercing healed enough so I finally have a stud that's rests closer to my face."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_400" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Ah, that's better"][/caption]

I personally don’t find the vibrations to be very strong, but then again, the toy isn't very loud either. I feel that it’s a cute little idea to spice things up, but it’s not a great toy. It’s pretty middle of the road. I like the feeling of a tongue, and I feel that this toy gets in the way of that, unless you happen to be wearing this on a finger which I happen to prefer. Also, since I'm pretty sure this isn't silicone, or at least pure silicone, don't share this with a bunch of people. It's you let everyone use it like the town bicycle, it's going to be a very unsanitary experience for all involved parties (unless you were the first to have it used on you). Blergh. I'm 100% sure you can't completely sterilize this vibe.

The Tongue Dinger has this nasty habit of picking up lint and hair, etc, so you should clean it directly before and after play. To clean it, remove the “silicone” and wash that only. This thing is too tiny to worry about the other plastic pieces, and due to its cheap construction, I’m sure that a finger or any moisture that happened to get into the internal casing would kill it automatically. The internal mechanisms are incredibly small and cheap. It’s so cheap that if you take it apart after just having it on for a few seconds, and then you open it up the internal case a few moments later, it has a burning smell. Yes, this toy can barely take the beating of being used for a few seconds!

[caption id="attachment_401" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="In pieces. Notice how tiny and easy to lose everything is. If you're changing the batteries, be sure to do so on a clean flat surface or you'll lose the itty bitty plastic switch deeming this bugger useless!"][/caption]

If you really like it, you can actually change the batteries, but since this wasn’t made to last, I’d be careful in doing so. First, peel off the “silicone” surrounding the plastic case. Next, carefully pop the two pieces of the plastic body, making sure to keep an eye on the tiny-ass switch that turns this thing on and off, because it is a separate piece. If you lose it, you just broke the toy (but I wouldn’t cry because you only spent $5 dollars on it). Then put in two watch batteries, pop the case back together with the switch in it’s proper place and put the “silicone” cover back.

Since I consider this to be a "mystery" material product (although I've read that this might be TPR silicone), be careful if you are putting lube on your partner. I'd suggest only water-based lubes (perhaps a flavored one, rowr!) because I don't think it's silicone, but I really don't know what it is for sure.
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  8. I love the honesty of this review! Thank you for experimenting with this toy so I don't have to! You're a delight to read! I won't forget that tongue photo any time soon!



    Joan Price

    Author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty.

    Join us -- we're talking about ageless sexuality at http://www.NakedAtOurAge.com.

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  9. Thanks! It means a lot for an author to have such nice things to say about my humble little blog. :) I haven't updated much in awhile, but I hope you check back sometime!

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