Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Incognito Lipstick Vibe by Shaki Toys Review

I got the Incognito Lipstick Vibe so I could stick it in my purse and maybe have some fun on the go. I happen to be a sucker for things that look like something they aren’t. Back in the 90’s when I was just a kiddo, I remember the local new station running a story on compartments used to hide crystal meth. One in particular that caught my attention was fake chapstick. I remember wanting one so bad, not to hold drugs, but just because it was so cool that you could hide random stuff in there!

Initially, I envisioned a sleek toy perfectly made for a sexy pick me up if I were having a mid-day slump, but after using it, I can safely say that you shouldn’t use this in public unless you want to draw attention to yourself.

Packaging:

I’m not sure why, but the toy box features two incredibly large-titted anime girls, (one on each side). It has absolutely nothing to do with the toy, unless this vibrator is symbolic of hyper-femininity and unrealistic portrayals of the female anatomy, but I sincerely doubt that.





Material:

The Incognito Lipstick Vibe is made of plain, simple plastic. Unfortunately, it’s pretty apparent. Granted, from the outside, it looks like lipstick, but it doesn’t look anything like lipstick from the Revlon or MAC counter. It looks cheap, like the lipstick from the dollar store or a kid’s toy (which this obviously is not).

In theory (because it’s made of plastic), you could use any type of lube with this toy, but it seems like a bad, and unnecessary course of action. The O-ring is ineffective, so lube could easily eek its way through into the battery compartment, which would be a bitch to clean.

Cleaning:

The vibe is fairly simple to clean. It can be cleaned with antibacterial soap and hot water or by wiping it down with Isopropyl alcohol. It should not, however, be submerged in water. This toy has an itty-bitty O-ring which does nothing to protect the toy from water. This toy is NOT waterproof.

Size,Weight, & Dimensions:

The vibe is around the size of your average tube of lipstick, but maybe a little taller. It is 3.75” long and has a 2.75” circumference. With a battery inside, the toy has too much weight to pass for normal lipstick, but empty, it feels close to a normal weight of a lipstick, but maybe a little bit too light. Here's a visual reference comparing the lipstick to some things you might find in my purse (when I carry one).



Use:

The vibe has a dial-base which is very easy to use. Simply remove the lid, unscrew the top from the base, insert a AAA battery and then screw the top back on. There’s a sticker in place that tells you the controls ON, OFF, and OPEN. The sticker is easily removed and leaves little residue behind. If the arrow is lined up with the middle, it’s off. When it’s off, a twist to the left turns it on to its only setting, but a twist to the right opens the vibe to reveal the battery compartment.



The vibe potency is fairly strong. It’s not the strongest I’ve experienced, but it’s by no means weak. It is, however, shrill and buzzy. It is best suited for clit or nipple stimulation. I would strongly advise against inserting this anywhere in your body.

Observations:

You shouldn’t leave a battery inside a toy, but if you were to do so, the toy shouldn’t turn on because of the lid which prevents the controls from being jostled around.

When the control is in the off position, the top section of the vibrator does feel like it’s securely in place. Granted, this really isn’t a problem if the lid is on, but the lid does appear to lose grip over time, so it’s something to keep in mind.

I’ve noticed that this toy seems to age quickly (also note on the box it only promises a 90 day warranty). I’ve only had it for two or three months, but the metallic paint on the tube (the section which is visible without the cap) chips off with repeated use, meaning every time you twist it to turn it on or off.

I advise against using this toy in public because it definitely sounds like a vibrator. If you can’t stifle the urge and you don’t want to get caught, put your feet up and hopefully the stranger that just walked into the bathroom will leave you alone.

If someone asks to borrow your lipstick, tell them you’re sick with something nasty that they don’t want to catch.
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Dick Rambone Cock Dildo by Doc Johnson Review

My, my, my, he’s a big fella. I want to point out that before you consider purchasing this product that you take into consideration just how BIG it is.

When I got this in the mail, I couldn’t help giggling like an idiot at the large USPS package it came in. It was rather heavy and I could smell a strangely sweet, but putrid smell from the outside which I correctly assumed was coming from the toy itself. I opened it up to view with wide eyes, a cock monstrosity. It felt like I was staring at something from Animal Planet or a prop from a monster-cock alien sex porn.

Packaging: The toy comes in a massive plastic case that is extremely marginal for storage. It is easy to open. In fact, the weight of the dildo popped open the lid. The case includes a background which is made to look like a dollar (or perhaps $100) image. It proudly reads that one size fits most. I’d like to see where the manufacturers are getting their statistics from.

Material: The dildo is composed of Sil-A-Gel. It’s smooth, semi-porous and made of an anti-bacterial agent. The thing also stinks to high heaven. Apparently most pvc products include Cadmium which can cause cancer, but this particular type of pvc is Cadmium-free (Oh thank God).

This type of material is prone to dust and debris latching onto it, so remember to keep it well-stored and clean. The toy only needs warm water and a mild soap to clean it. The suggested lubricants for this product are water and silicone.

Dimensions and Shape: I was so thrilled by the idea of a bigger toy. I was attracted to the length, knowing that a whole 14.5” would be far too much for insertion, but it could be fun to own it just for the hell of it (I have the humor of a 12-year-old boy and think that large penises are funny). I was obviously just thinking about the visual (or humor aspect) rather than the practical application for my vagina.

Somehow, I completely overlooked the most important spec. It’s 7” in diameter; count it, 7!” This toy is certainly not for beginners or even the average user. I would consider this toy best suited with someone who is very experienced with larger toys, and even then, it’s still incredibly large. If you can fit this inside, there’s no way you can manage to hold onto it with one hand for use, unless you have larger hands.

Note that this toy is also incredibly heavy. I have no way of weighing this thing, but it weighs a few pounds. My guess is that it weighs in between 3 and 5 pounds. The dong itself is incredibly strong and looks like it could sustain some heavy abuse (however the same may not apply to your vagina or ass, so be careful for Christ’s sake).

It includes a heavy-duty suction cup on the very bottom of the dong. I tried using the suction-cup and found that while it is strong, it is no match for the crushing weight of this giant penis. However, my roommate was able to get the dildo to stick to a TV screen (there is a picture of later in this review). If you plan on using the suction cup, you might need a person to be your setter (sports, anyone?).

It was clear that this toy was going nowhere in my body so I enlisted the help of my trusty gay roommate who found a variety of non-sexual ways to use the dildo with the help of his frat brothers. During my absence from town over spring break, I was informed via text message on a semi-frequent basis of the fun things that ensued.

“Add to your review: works great for kickball-baseball, but you can’t run very fast with it in your pants. Can also be used for basketball, but it’s difficult.”

“It’s a self-defense object. It’s better than mace.”



Upon returning, I learned that it became a very popular game to chase people with the dildo and at least five people had been slapped with it. People had also smuggled it in their pants while going into public for the sheer novelty of having a giant dildo in the front of their pants.

My roommate also informed me that it taught him something. He had never before understood the phrase, “Is there something wrong with your knee?,” a phrase that I had never heard before, but understood immediately upon hearing it in context (I’m assuming that this is pretty obscure).

I have since decided to let my roommate keep it as a gift for his birthday, just in case I can’t afford to buy him something. He’s getting a lot more enjoyment out of it as a gag gift than I could from the sheer amusement of me owning a sex object that can’t fit anywhere in my body.
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